Now, read the Holotypic Occlupanid Research Group’s intriguing description of the said objects – they label them “occlupanids” – and it is written in scientific prose:
“Occlupanids are generally found as parasitoids on bagged pastries in supermarkets, hardware stores, and other large commercial establishments. Their fascinating and complex life cycle is unfortunately severely under-researched. What is known is that they take nourishment from the plastic sacs that surround the bagged product, not the product itself, as was previously thought. Notable exceptions to this habit are those living off rubber bands and on analog watch hands.
In most species, they often situate themselves toward the center of the plastic bag, holding in the contents. This leads to speculation that the relationship may be more symbiotic than purely parasitic”.
HORG have even created a taxonomic rank as follows:
- Kingdom – Microsynthera
- Phylum – Plasticae
- Class – Occlupanida (Occlu = to close, pan = bread)
- Known Orders
“Where you find occlupanids, there shall you shall find civilization”. Actually, when you come to think of it, it does seem a valid statement, is it not?
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