Santas are Essential Workers Too

Donald Trump being a first-rate clown, naturally surrounds himself with a circus of clowns. 

Of course, we already know them: Jared Kushner, Ivanka Trump, William Barr, Alex Azar, Mark Meadows, Larry Kudlow, Peter Navarro and others. And whenever they open their big mouths, you can expect something bizarre, absurd or daft.

Health and Human Services assistant secretary Michael Caputo is no exception. It seems that he hatched a scheme to save Christmas (and, presumably, the Trump administration by extension). 

Speaking to the Fraternal Order of Real Bearded Santas and other mall Santa labor unions, Caputo had planned to provide early coronavirus vaccine access to Santas in 35 countries, as part of a $250 million public service campaign to celebrate the Trump administration's role in the ongoing Covid-19 pandemic. 

In a 12-minute phone call, Caputo (left) informed Ric Erwin of the said Santa group that vaccines would likely be approved by mid-November and distributed before Thanksgiving. 

The latter recorded the call and even provided it to the Wall Street Journal. 

The international daily newspaper reported too that, "Those who perform as Mrs. Claus and elves also would have been included". 

Yup, you read it right – Caputo readily acknowledged that if Santas and their ilk “are not essential workers, I don't know what is"! 

But on Friday, much to the disappointment of Santas everywhere, the Department of Health and Human Services admitted that the Santa plan is "under review" and will likely be scrapped! 

It's not clear what will happen with the $250 million in taxpayer dollars that were earmarked for the Santas though.