Saturday, June 4, 2016

Suicide and Pain Go Together












In April, there were two suicides. In May, two more.

A 21-year-old college student Darshwini Premkumar fell to her death on May 26, 2016 – she had jumped from the sixteenth floor of an apartment block in Island Park, Penang.

Just weeks earlier, also in May – a 17-year-old schoolboy hanged himself in his home in Rawang, Selangor. I only came to know about it from my Rawang friend and then later from my Dip student. China Press reported it but it only had very sketchy details of this particular incident.

And did you read about the student who committed suicide by jumping from his twentieth floor apartment in Korea and he hit and killed another man walking home?

The 38-year-old local government employee was returning from work in the southern Korean city of Gwangju on Tuesday when he was struck by the 25-year-old student, the Yonhap news agency reported on June 01, 2016. The man had been walking with his wife who was eight months pregnant and their five-year-old son.

Both men were taken to a nearby hospital but neither survived. And police planned to charge the dead student with manslaughter in order to ease any insurance claim brought by the other man’s family.

Suicide is an issue close to my heart. I have known not a few people who have wanted to kill themselves – and believe it or not, I used to be one of them! Therefore, I do know what suicidal people feel! I really do!

Suicidal people feel a lot of pain! Of course, I am not a therapist or anything to do with mental health. Only someone who knows what it is like to be in pain.

And suicide is contemplated when a person’s pain exceeds his or her threshold to cope with that pain. To me, that's what it is all about. Remember a suicidal person is not weak, or even crazy.

Just because you feel suicidal, it doesn't mean you really want to die. It just means that you have more pain than you can cope with at a certain point in time.

Pain is very personal. Please don't accept it if someone tells you, "That's not enough to be suicidal about".

There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from one person to the next. The point at which pain becomes intolerable and insufferable, depends on how well you can cope with that pain you feel within you.

Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain. But here’s the thing! Suicidal people do not have to end up in body bags.

You can help yourself by giving yourself some distance. Say to yourself, "I will wait 24 hours before I do anything". Or maybe 48 hours. Or even 72 hours. I once gave myself a month – and today, I have not given up on myself!

Feelings and actions are two different things. Just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn't mean that you have to do it like right now!

Suicidal feelings do not necessarily have to translate into a definite action – in this case, committing suicide.

People turn to suicide because they want relief from pain. Relief, like pain, is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately want, if you are dead.

So please, don’t fall prey to your own suicidal feelings. Don't take the easy way out. Don't.
Ignore those who will react badly to your suicidal feelings – it is just that they are feeling frightened, helpless or angry. They can’t help you. And even if they want to, they don't know how to.

But there are also people out there who can be there during this painful time. They won’t judge you and more importantly, they won’t try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will listen and they will show their caring.

Find them. Use that distance you gave yourself and locate that someone. Open up and tell him or her what's going on with you.

It is okay to ask for help.












For example, Befrienders – they are available 24 hours a day. You can contact Befrienders via hotline phone calls at 03-79568144 or 03-79568145. Ten digits away from help.

My personal view is that suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is morally neutral. It is not even a defect of character or anything like that. It is simply pain that overwhelms you to a point you yourself cannot cope any longer.

All you need is someone to be there for you and with you.

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